Stop Judging Ciara!

Written by
Lakesha Mathis

Ciara Performing on Debut Tour November 2016. Ciara – Wikipedia. com. 2006.

Leave Ciara alone! Yes that Ciara and every other “Ciara” who has decided to move on from a failed relationship as a single parent. She can date. Her new partner can be in her child’s life. It does not have to distract from her responsibilities as  a parent. But somehow society has created a double standard that says single mothers must be nuns. No dating. Any appearance of happiness in a new relationship seems to shatter her ability to parent. The internet has been abuzz with stories regarding Ciara, now dating Russell Wilson, allowing her child from a previous relationship with rapper, Future, to spend time with her new love. Future has been consistently vocal on social media regarding his distaste for Ciara’s decision to allow their son to spend so much time with Russell. Future seems to have forgotten the role Ciara played in the lives of his children while he and Ciara dated. He seems to have forgotten the rules he played by.

Ciara and baby Future at Seahawks Training Camp. AP Photo/Elaine Thompson. 2015.

Unfortunately, the criticism Ciara receives for her decision to move on happily, open to love and the possibility of having a complete family are not specific to her. Less famous single mothers face similar criticisms. Sometimes the criticism is warranted but most often not. Allowing your child to spend time with the person you have decided to share your life with is necessary. Having more people to love your child is never a bad thing.

While we’d all like to keep our children in a protective vortex only accessible to those we’ve given clearance to, this is not realistic. Future and Ciara’s focus need to be squarely on co-parenting. When the relationship is over and children are involved the only concern of both parents  has to be co-parenting.  Co-parenting means, making collaborated decisions in the child’s best interest, that will also provide the child with the best foundation of love and support. Judging, belittling, or alienating each other, damages the parent-child relationship more than it does the nonexistent one between the two parents.

Ciara and Future’s efforts to find a happy co-parenting medium is not specific to them. It is far too often a dance that many must learn. Learning to put the petty things aside for the child isn’t easy, BUT it is necessary. Ciara and Future will find their way just as the rest of us have. In the meantime the challenge becomes letting single parents whether a mother or father move on without judgement, keeping the children’s best interest in mind.

 

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